Why vote for Robert Kocharyan?

[Editor’s note: This is a sensitive issue, and we usually shy away from giving any support to candidates, but we all agreed there was enough of an emergency in the current political landscape to leave aside our usual stand. This is an important vote, and we want all of us to think before taking a … Read more

Wounded soldiers attending Wine Festival surprised to hear they’re traitors and rejects

YEREVAN, ARMENIA — The Armenian Wine Festival (one of the thousands of festivals Armenians have for each fruit, drink… basically anything edible) has stirred some drama this year, with unexpected competition from a “Let’s Whine Festival” which mainly took place on social media. Basically, people attending it have been called “traitors”, “zombies”, “Pashinyan’s rejects” by … Read more

“Thanks Daddy for making me skip the army so I could eat this giant cake” – Nver Tsarukyan

ABOVIAN, ARMENIA — While the country is going through hard times, thousands of our youth are missing, and while we have prisoners still illegally detained in Azerbaijan, Gagik Tsarukyan’s son Nver Tsarukyan got married, spending millions on a stupid feast that made you throw up even before you could reach the cake. The happiest of all … Read more

OP-ED – “Stay united, stupid dogs!”

[These are words from a concerned citizen. The staff at Semuchka only acts as a publisher and isn’t responsible for this citizen’s opinion.] “Well, at first I said nothing because it’s always funny to see the enemies fighting each other. But this is too much!” “If you destroy yourselves, what use am I?” “For thirty … Read more

BTS members may split up over events in Armenia

SEOUL, (SOUTH) KOREA – The world of K-Pop (South Korean pop music) fans was shattered today because of an unexpected controversy. As Armenia is in a period of political turmoil, members of the famous boy band BTS announced internal arguments over this question: Should the Armenian Prime Minister resign? While V supports Nikol Pachinian and … Read more

Kocharyan ready to face prison

YEREVAN, ARMENIA — Sitting in his living room, practicing life in confined space, the ex-president of Armenia announces “he is ready for cell life”. “I had always seen the presidency and prison as two opposing things,” he says. “Then I discovered Nelson Mandela.” “Like him, I am ready to spend a few years behind bars … Read more