Europe warns Turkey of future warnings

BRUSSELS, BELGIUM — Gathered at a summit in Brussels, the twenty-seven countries of the European Union (EU) except Germany managed to convince Germany to severely sanction Turkey for its various misdeeds, the list of which is now longer than Angela Merkel’s career (in days).

A spokesperson for the European Council said “these decisive steps” were about “warning Turkey to calm down”, otherwise it would risk tougher sanctions at the next EU summit in March, which could result in “a stronger warning”.

Asked about these sanctions, Angela Merkel underlined that “for the moment, we’re only pointing fingers, but soon, I could show my angry face”.

The President of France, Emmanuel Macron, praised “Europe’s courage” and called on Turkey to be very careful. “You don’t want to see Granny Merkel’s face when she’s mad,” he told reporters.